There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
