I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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