He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
