Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
