I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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