people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize