Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
