I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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