I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
