I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
