he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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