girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize