you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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