whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
