You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
