my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
