remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize