Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
