i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize