actually, I'm a sock model
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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