shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize