That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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