I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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