I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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