I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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