Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How's work?
Spinning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
