I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize