guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
