Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
