now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
