So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
