I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Farmville is her only friend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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