Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
