I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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