Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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