i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
