this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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