im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize