I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
