Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
