Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
