All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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