I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
