we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
