my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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