So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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