why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
