For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
