He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is the high leading the old right now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
