Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
