i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
