I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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