living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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