I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dear god my vagina.
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