I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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