jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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