He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
