I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
