Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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