she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
