Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
