Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well you can't waste a boner
you win again, gameday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
