Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
