I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
