you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
