I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
please don't ironically join a cult
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